Classics Album Review
Revenge of the Satanic Panic! by: Vacation Bible School
Written By: C A S I N O
Published On: October 29th, 2021
I don’t mind going on record here and saying that I am a big fan of Satan. You can quote me on this. I’m a huge fan of his work, but the creation of Halloween is by far his magnum opus. A day dedicated to goblins, ghosts, and ritualistic sacrifices? What is not to love? But those pesky televangelists keep on foiling the plans of my cult to convert today’s youth into the service of my dark lord. In an effort to find out how they always remain one step ahead of my plans, I have decided to do a review of Revenge of the Satanic Panic! by Vacation Bible School, the sequel to his 2019 album Fall Festivals and the Satanic Panic, the review for which can be . found here
The collective paranoia of America’s televangelists regarding this special time of year is put on full display in this album. A majority of the tracks in this work either begin or end with a sound clip from an interview, commercial, or some other sort of after Sunday School program that exists for the sole purpose of inspiring as much panic as possible into the hearts of parents across the nation. All these samples are somewhat staticy and low in quality (this is Vaporwave after all) and each one seems to be more ridiculous than the last, with one going as far as to suggest that there are werewolf satanists among us. They become fun to play along with and as the album progresses you begin to look forward to these interludes as the black curtain of Satan is once again drawn back before thine very eyes.
As for the music itself, there are some interesting sample choices and the distortion and echoing effects applied to them make for an entertaining, though somewhat unsettling listen with a big tip of the hat to the Halloween movie franchise thrown in. Some tracks sample straight-up bangers, like Alice Cooper’s “He’s Back (The Man Behind The Mask)” used on the first track of the album, but there are some odd picks later down the line that exist more to disturb than to amuse. An example of this is track 9 on the album, “satanists break into your home,” a toned-down and slowed down edit of The Chordettes’ “Mr Sandman”. It acts as another homage to the Halloween movies as they used the song in a similar way in the films. I should say that the full title of the track is “satanists break into your home (“mr. sandman” mallsoft)” but other than that iconic “mall echo” that can be heard in the song, it does not really feel like mallsoft in the way that the “St. James Infirmary ” track did off the first Satanic Panic. I know it seems silly complaining about a scary and unsettling song on what is a Halloween album, but compared to the rest of the tracks on the work, it seems out of place. With that said, other than a few similar hiccups, most of the tracks are a fun listen with the televangelist samples and music samples being blended together quite well.
After listening to this album, I think I am going to hang up my ceremonial black robe. They are aware of every trick in the satanic playbook. I thought the Satanic messages I hid in Dungeons and Dragons books were really subtle, but they managed to sniff them out all the same! Truly the forces of Satan are no match for holy soldiers like Vacation Bible School. My only solace is that I have a decent vaporwave album to listen to now. And the fact that it does not seem like they have caught on to Pokemon yet.
Vacation Bible School
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